Blue Sunday I: My Name

My name is Cody.There would be many reasons that I would be sitting in this old building, listening to the wind whistle through the trees. My large fingers fimbled with a small capsule, trying their best and smashing herbs through a mortar. They bled, and slowly began to be caked with blue dust. It was uncomfortable, but I had to do it.

“Brother, are you going to be alright?” I heard a soft voice ask before me. Her name was August, and she knew me better than anyone. That was interesting information to know. I’d like you to keep that to yourself. I am like a maze of hedge trees, but she can fly. Strange way of putting it, right?                                            

I shook my head disapprovingly, but she nodded. Her thin, red hair was shimmering in the sunset, almost touching her waist. She was young, and she had no one to protect her against this cold, unforgiving world. Today, well, I can’t remember the date exactly. It has been at least two weeks since we began to hide in this small, deserted city. It used to be filled with cars and people. But now it is only inhabited by a young girl and her older brother.

“Brother, why is it that you don’t speak?” She asked again, this time putting her small hands on my thighs and sitting in my lap. She was small and frail, I only wished that there could be better ways for curing sickness in this deserted land. She needs lots of care, especially when she undergoes a fever. I’ve always been fearing over her life.

I shook my head once again. She made no response. I won’t talk to anyone, not even my own sister. But sometimes it feels as if she understands everything about me.

“Are you afraid?”

I nodded slightly, knowing that she could understand what happened only days ago. It was scary, and sometimes I don’t like telling myself that it’s ‘all her fault’. When it happened, I wanted to kill her. But I couldn’t do it. She was too small, too fragile, too weak to understand how she did it. I only wish that it is hanging over her head like a heavy weight, waiting for her to come crashing down with tears. I want her to feel the pain that I have endured.  

“It’s okay, brother, I’m scared too.” She sneezed, and helped me fimble with the capsule before placing it on her tongue. She took a number of gulps of water and stepped down from me. I held the canteen away from her. It was empty, and the sun had almost gone down.

I stepped from the old broken building, feeling my bare feet against the rough gravel. They were almost on fire, and my toes bled from so much sharp objects on the ground. I hoped that I didn’t have to go out for water again. The last time I went out, I was almost caught.

Like a wild animal.

They set traps, cages, ropes, just waiting for me to make a slight mistake, and be carried off to my death. I don’t know what truly happens, but it’s scary. I don’t want anyone skinning me like a deer. I’m a human, not a beast.

It has only been days, and I’ve already grown adapt to this world of instinct and cruelty. My hearing, sight, and smell have all adapted to the thought of dying. In my state of the thought of losing the last thing I have, I almost become some type of animal. My world only sees in Blue, and my thoughts only think of death.

I stepped out into this world once again, hoping I won’t lose myself completely. I decided to act human, hoping if there were hunters or rescuers, they wouldn’t come near me. 

I could only hope for little things in this world of hatred and death. These little things meant almost nothing to someone with a family or a home. But with someone like me, no home, no goal, no life, you have little to depend on. And the only things you depend on, you depend on with your life. So I am going to step into this world with my life. And hope that I can still come back as the same person.

Cody.